terminus excusatium

There have been so many times when I've been apologetic about who I am, how I was raised, how I live my life or even my personality. I won't make an itemized list of examples as I've lately come to find itemized lists of this nature quite persnickety. However to give you a taste of what I'm talking about I definitely apologized to a man at the grocery store for making him take one step back from the cash register so that I could place down my empty basket. Things have gone too far.

A less trivial example would be when I apologized to someone after having bought a new dress for an occasion (I just love apologizing to people for how I spend my hard-earned money). And that's not to even mention the apologies I made during the ridiculous undoing of my last relationship.

Apologies are sometimes necessary, clearly, but in truly accepting and not second-guessing oneself we have to banish these insecure apologies.

Elaborating on one of the examples above, I was raised to always dress appropriately in order to show respect - respect for those hosting or those with whom you are attending. You should always wear something 'nice' to someone's birthday-do and no jeans at certain places. Denim has definitely evolved a lot since the 80s and 90s but there are still times when it isn't appropriate...I mean, come on. Anyhow, I wouldn't wear a ballgown to a tea nor would I wear jeans and a sweatshirt. Will I keep apologising for this? No.

Nor will I keep apologising for telling a partner that he's treated me without respect or letting my feelings of desire be known. I think many people find themselves hurtling out these apologies, especially women.

I actually have a bunch of apologies from someone I dated in email form. They almost need to be framed. At times these apologies, not those just mentioned but even my many insecure ones, become like a reflex for undoing what a person has just done. I'm not even sure how to tell when one is sincere anymore. And even if it is, what does it mean? What value does it hold? Maybe I really should frame the last one I received as a constant reminder: oh right, he's sorry. I almost forgot for a minute...

online dating snippet #2

Well I have some 'gems' for y'all today. These are really snippets because I think it would be awful if I posted the entire messages these misguided men laboured over.

A. "I'm sitting here thinking of a bunch of hilariously flirtatious things to say, but none of them are staying 'un-deleted'. So, instead, you should watch this webseries that I make."
He followed this with a link. Needless to say I did not watch and never will.

B. "If you were a cat you'd be in big trouble right now!"
I don't even begin to understand this one.

C. Subject line: 10 d-bags for a dime!
I guess he's counting himself in this deal of a lifetime.